Let’s rewind a little. In 2009, archaeologists unearthed a flute in a cave in southern Germany, carved from a vulture’s wing bone. Yep, a vulture bone. And get this, it’s over 40,000 years old, making it the world’s oldest known musical instrument. Basically, a Stone Age jam session. And here I thought the ’70s counted as “oldies.”
Wine’s origins? A little trickier. The best evidence points to Georgia around 6000 BC, but it’s entirely possible people were crushing grapes and getting happily tipsy even earlier, we just haven’t dug up the proof yet. The hunt continues!
Fast forward to ancient Greece and Rome, where drinking options were… limited: fruit juice, murky water, or warm goat’s milk. Hard pass on the milk. Thankfully, wine entered the scene and saved civilization as we know it. Imagine showing up at a party and being handed a cup of lukewarm goat’s milk instead of a crisp white. Nope!
And since I’m clearly not writing this with a dry glass, or dry speakers, I will admit it: I’m sipping Pinot Grigio, while blasting one of my favorite bands: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz_7OCCQlXs
Because guilty pleasures taste better with good music, let’s pair some legendary grapes with equally legendary tunes:
Chardonnay is the rockstar of white wine. From buttery, oaky styles to crisp apple-and-citrus-driven bottles, it’s got range. Burgundy shows off its classiest side in Chablis, Meursault, and Pouilly-Fuissé, proving this grape can do everything.
I call it the “Love-Hate grape” because even when it drives you crazy, you can’t quit it. Like the Rolling Stones’ Satisfaction: bold, addictive, unforgettable. Pop a bottle, crank up the riff, and you will see what I mean.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poXvMBhjSWk
Behind Barolo and Barbaresco, Nebbiolo reigns supreme. Pale in color but packed with power, it smells like roses while hitting you with earthy tar and layers of complexity. A contradiction in the best possible way. It deserves a song as audacious as itself: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Both are unapologetically complex, beautifully dramatic, and utterly iconic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ
Pinot Noir is cheeky, versatile, and a little high-maintenance. Young, it’s bright and playful; aged, it can get deep and mysterious. Sound familiar? Exactly: Dancing Queen by ABBA. Light, fun, and often best enjoyed chilled, Pinot is basically the soundtrack to any season. Grab a glass, hit the dance floor (or living room), and channel your inner queen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFrGuyw1V8s
Riesling gets a bad rap, but it’s one of the most thrilling grapes out there. From bone-dry to honey-sweet, sparkling to still, it’s a rollercoaster of flavor and energy. Terry Theise once said, “If Chardonnay is a lap dance, Riesling is a tantric slow burn.” Amen to that!
This grape has Bon Jovi vibes all the way: full of life, positivity, and big “Livin’ On a Prayer” energy. Try it and you’ll be halfway there… to opening a second bottle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDK9QqIzhwk
Poor Merlot. One infamous movie line (thanks, Sideways) tried to take it down, but this grape refuses to quit. Smooth, soft, and generous, Merlot is Rocky Balboa in wine form: down but never out.
So, of course, it pairs with Survivor’s Eye of the Tiger. Put on the anthem, pour a glass, and watch Merlot rise again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4
If grapes went to high school, Sauvignon Blanc would be the effortlessly popular one. From New Zealand’s zesty versions to France’s elegant Sancerre, it’s fresh, zippy, and universally loved.To me, it’s pure Flower Power. Bold, bright, and unforgettable just like Janis Joplin belting Piece of My Heart. You will always want one more sip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uG2gYE5KOs
The king, queen, and heavyweight champ of red grapes. Cabernet Sauvignon is bold, structured, and practically immortal in the cellar. From Napa to Bordeaux, it’s the grape everyone knows and respects. If wine had a “Piano Man,” it would be Cab. Classy, timeless, and always ready to set the mood. Billy Joel would approve.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEPV4kolz0
''At the end of the day, you really can’t make a wrong choice.
As long as you pay attention to what it is that you don’t like about a wine
each bottle will get you closer to what you do like.
Take it one glass at a time!''